I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
