I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
