he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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