the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
