Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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