she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i barfeds in our rink
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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