so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
