$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
