Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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