i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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