Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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