im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
