the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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