I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
