Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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