Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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