Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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