I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
