True but thats because hes a fetus.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
