Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
