I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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