I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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