need another drink. this is the easiest way
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You need a sexual gate keeper
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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