go do what you do best...puke behind churches
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
