Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
