There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my shit smells like andre
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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