I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
