Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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