Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
