im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
