the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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