I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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