Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
