I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
