Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
