We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
