Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
