just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
