bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My liver just had a heart attack.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
