Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
