WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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