is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
