Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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