508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
