We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
