woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
