oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
