My pussy is not your playground.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
