there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
