I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
