Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
