I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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