Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
