My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
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