Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
