I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
