Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
