I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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