Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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