My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
